→ 17 Jan 14 at 9 am
Yes she is.
SOOOOOOO, here’s the most late post ever in the entire world.
I’ve been resisting many things over the past week - which I am surprisingly okay with. It’s been really, really great. Looking back on the last couple of days, I see my mind focusing on a lot of my “struggles”, which is annoying. BUT, what’s great is that I’m seeing my self, my actual self, saying no to things without asking my minds opinion. I know that this challenge has been about saying YES, but I’m realizing that I’ve been saying yes to a lot of unhealthy things; relationships, the perception I’ve let others have of me, quitting, reactions that give me an “out”, etc. I can see me actually beginning to recognize that and then slowly, but surely, shedding it. A lot of lean-ins have been personal for me this past week and most of them have been me actually saying no. And with that, I’ve been saying “yes” to the tiniest things that defy those perceptions that come out of co-dependence and victim.
Does this make sense?! Eh.
Day 17? Ran a five-mile race!
We are almost done qualifying for next year, it was our second to last race. I leaned in big time by finally setting a time goal. I’ve always hesitated to do so out of fear of not beating my time, which is just so dumb. We set smart goals and as a result, it was 100% the most present run I’ve ever had. While I hadn’t really trained, it was the best race I’ve done yet. I pushed myself and was so, so into the run and not racing to just get it over with. It was a completely different experience, thank goodnesss.
Today? Nope. Low stakes all around. One of those days where I burnt the muffins I made, dropped all my grocery bags in the middle of the street and tripped up the subway stairs. Soooo, I’m just watching it happen, laughing and living.
day 14, 15 and 16.
This has been such a weird week. It’s definitely been a transitional type of week - coming back from vacation, adjusting to the weather, getting into the groove of things. I know this sounds weird, but the weather changes affect me so much! As much as I love having seasons now, I miss me some mild and warm weather. I’ve spent the week getting out of bed slowly, lighting some seasonal candles and getting used to the change in the air. I feel like instead of judging my days by how productive I am, I’m now listening to myself and and being more forgiving with what I achieve. Coincidentally though, I’ve been way more productive this week.
That being said, I have not stuck with my lean-in’s until the end of this week. Thursday, nada. Friday, I took out cash and worked on specifically connecting with some homeless in NYC. It’s funny, whenever I have someone visit me in the city, they always say something about the homeless. It’s sad, I’ve just let it become a part of my day. I’ve adopted to outlook of “Why should I give them money? They’ll probably just spend it on drugs/alcohol/whatever.” After the Foundation Class, Candace completely stripped that perception away from me. Who am I to say how this person should spend his/her money? It’s cold, they’re hungry, they’re lonely - here’s a couple dollars. And, Friday, I gave some money to a couple people and looked each of them in the eye and spoke to them. And what do you know, each of them was truly thankful and talked with me. Instead of viewing them as a demographic, I saw them as actual people. Isn’t that sad?! Truly humbling.
Today, day 16, we volunteered at a 60K. THAT IS 37.2 MILES. We are almost done with our qualifications through NYRR that will guarantee us entry for next year’s marathon and today proved to be just as inspiring as the next. It wasn’t just elite athletes, it was a mix of people. And each person had a smile on their face through each lap. It was amazing. We got up at 5:30AM - I don’t do 5:30AM, especially on weekends. But, once we got there, my heart was totally lifted by these people working through their struggles. The Achilles Guides were there in full force, walking the course with those who couldn’t.